


A Different Life

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon, Drama, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-11-02
Updated: 2004-12-04
Packaged: 2018-12-26 21:07:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12066999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian is raised by his real mother, he's always been loved and cared for.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

I was sixteen when I had Brian. My stepfather, Jack Kinney had been raping me for years. My mother, Joan Kinney had been married briefly before Jack and my father died in a car accident when I was only two months old. My name is Angela Dawson, I am Brian’s mother, his real mother.

I had Claire when I was thirteen, you see, my mother couldn’t have anymore children after she had me and Jack wanted a child of his own. He raped me that night and I got pregnant with Claire. I forced them to allow me to keep her by threatening to tell the world what kind of man Jack really was if they forced me to put her up for adoption. Of course, my mother became mom to Claire in public as soon as she was born. It killed me, seeing my baby call someone else mommy in public, even though I was mommy at home. When he raped me again and I got pregnant with Brian I knew I was taking them both the day I turned eighteen. 

My eighteenth birthday came and I remember that day like it was yesterday. Claire was watching cartoons when I came in and started packing up their clothes and toys. “What the hell do you think you’re doing girl?” Jack asked me. “I’m leaving, and I’m taking my children with me.” I told him, daring him to stop me. “Like hell.” He said. “Oh Jack, you see, there are two cops outside making sure I get out of here with my babies.” I told him. “You little bitch!” He screamed and lunged at me, almost making me drop Brian in the process. I sat Brian next to Claire and turned to him, my hazel eyes glowing with rage. “YOU LISTEN TO ME YOU WORTHLESS DRUNK! IF YOU EVER COME NEAR ME OR MY CHILDREN AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD I’LL KILL YOU!” I screamed at him and threw him up against the wall. The cops ran in then and arrested Jack. They also arrested Joan for allowing it to happen.

I took the kids and left.


	2. A Different Life

“Mommy, when do I start school?” Brian asked me for the fifth time that morning. “As soon as eight o’clock gets here baby.” I told him gently. “Oh ok.” He said and ran off. “Mommy! Brian took my shoe!” Claire yelled a few minutes later. “Bri! Give Claire her shoe back!” I yelled trying not to cry. Here I am, Twenty one years old with two kids, a great job, and a nice house, and my baby is starting Kindergarten. I’m seeing a great guy, Nick Adams is everything I want in a man. He loves me, he loves my kids, and Brian and Claire adore him. My friend Debbie Novotny introduced me to him. She works at the diner on Liberty Avenue. Her son Michael and Brian are best friends, have been since the day they met.

Sometimes I get overwhelmed, and there have been days when I’ve snapped at the kids. One look at Brian sometimes gets to me, he looks so much like Jack. I’ve never once taken my anger out on him and as God is my witness I never will. I can’t blame my baby for something that isn’t his fault, no matter how much he looks like his father. Except the eyes, he has my hazel eyes.

When I got to the elementary school Debbie was there with Michael and her brother Vic. “Mikey!” Brian yelled running to him and the two of them entered the school together, while my heart broke.

About a minute later both boys came running back and threw themselves into our arms. “Love you mommy.” Brian said and I kissed him on the cheek “Love you too munchkin, be good.” I said and watched as Deb had a similar interaction with Michael.

“It never gets easier.” I told Deb as we walked to our cars. “Nope, but at least we’ve got each other.” She said and I smiled.

When I got to work Nick was waiting for me at the office. “Hey baby, what are you doing here?” I asked. “I came to ask you something.” He said. “Ok.” I said getting this tingly feeling all over.

He got down on one knee and I gasped. “Angela, will you marry me?” He asked. “Yes, yes I will.” I said and he put the ring on my finger.

Later that day we told the kids and Claire was so excited, but Brian was unusually quiet. “Bri, baby talk to me.” I said bending down to his level. “Will I still be your number one man?” He asked. “Oh baby boy, you’ll always be number one to me, I promise.” I told him and he hugged me. “This means I’m gonna have a daddy!” He said happily. “Yep, it does kiddo.” Nick said and picked him up and tickled him. I watched, smiling as my son squealed with laughter.

Two months later we were married, and Nick wanted to adopt them. Unfortunately, Pennsylvania’s screwed up laws require a father’s consent even though they are children of rape.

I went to Jack and asked him to sign the papers, he laughed in my face.

 

I went to court and finally was able to get Jack’s rights stripped so that Nick could adopt them. Once the adoption was started there was a problem, Brian didn’t want to be Brian Adams, he wanted to be Brian Kinney. I understood, as did Nick, and even though he was adopted, his last name remained Kinney.


	3. A Different Life

AN: I don’t remember Claire’s husbands name, so I’m making one up.

* * *

The years seemed to fly by, Claire was graduating high school at the end of the year and Bri started his freshman year. Nick and I had another baby eight years ago. Gracie is the spitting image of me, and she has Brian wrapped around her finger.

Brian and Nick’s relationship had grown over the years and Bri really loved his dad. Nick was crazy about all three of the kids, and for that I am eternally grateful. My son came out to me the other day even though I know he was terrified of what I might think. Brian is gay, I honestly never thought I’d have a gay son but it doesn’t change the way I feel about him in the slightest. Nick was the same way, he told Brian, “Son, no matter what, I’ll always love you simply because you’re my son, being gay doesn’t change that and I know it’s not something you chose, it’s something you were born with.”

I think the main reason is because of Debbie that I’m so open, going to the Liberty Diner every weekend for dinner and having gay friends, Vic being one of them, made me not be a bigot.

Little Mikey is gay too, although he hates when I refer to him as that I can’t help but remember the baby that played with my baby. I wondered for a while if Michael and Brian were together, but Brian told me they weren’t because it would fuck up their relationship and he didn’t want that. He actually said fuck up, which made me smack him on the back of the head but hell, he got it from me.

I came home from work to a screaming match between Nick and Brian. Bri had gotten into yet another fight at school and Nick was tired of it, we both were. “Damn it Brian, how many times do we have to have this discussion!” Nick was yelling. “Oh come on dad, it’s not like you never fought in school, you told me you got into plenty of fights!” Brian yelled back. “Yeah, and my dad tanned my hide after each one!” Nick yelled. “Alright that’s enough!” I yelled coming upstairs. “Mom, Joey Matthews has been hassling me all year, what was I supposed to do.” Brian said near tears. “Brian Aiden Kinney, you know better than to start fights.” I said sternly. “But mom!” He said. “Go to your room Bri.” I said holding up my hand.

He left and Nick and I stood there. “What do you want to do about this?” I asked him. “The kid’s getting out of control Angie, I really think it’s time I did something about it.” He told me. “Like what?” I asked already having an idea. “He needs his rear end tanned.” He told me. “Aw Nicky, you know I hate that.” I told him. “I don’t like it either baby but if I don’t do something soon he’s gonna get himself into more trouble.”

“No belts.” I told him. “I know baby, I’d never do that to him or to you.” He said and kissed me.

 

I went downstairs because I didn’t want to hear it. Ten minutes later Nick came downstairs with red eyes. “I hated doing that.” He said sniffling a little. A little while later Bri followed suit, he was rubbing his butt and his eyes were red and puffy from crying.

“Come here little bit.” I said and pulled him to me. “I’m sorry mom.” He said sniffling. “I know little bit, and dad knows it too.” I said kissing his forehead. “Come here sonnyboy.” Nick said holding out his arms. Brian flew into them and I watched as Nick kissed his forehead and hugged him. “I love you Bri, I don’t want you getting into trouble, that’s why I did it.” Nick told him. “I know, and even though my ass hurts I know you didn’t do it to hurt me.” Brian said and Nick held him tightly.

Bri still got into a few fights after that, but he didn’t start any of them. I didn’t care if he got into fights if he didn’t start them, well, I cared, but I wasn’t mad at him for it.

Claire started her third year at college, she was accepted into Penn State. Bri started his Senior year and Grace went into sixth grade. 

Bri had a few boyfriends throughout high school, but no one could make my baby happy, truly happy.

It seemed like yesterday that Brian was born, and here he is today graduating. I was bawling, as was Debbie.

The principal called out names and got to Amanda Kemp, I knew Brian was next and Nick had the video camera ready. “Brian Aiden Kinney.” I was crying and smiling at the same time.

He had gotten a scholarship to Carnegie Mellon, and was going to major in Advertising.

 

The next four years went by fast for me, and soon Grace was starting her Junior year in high school. 

 

Brian met a nice girl in college, Lindsay Peterson, who he became really good friends with. Lindsay was a lesbian, I knew it the minute I met her.

I loved her on the spot, I thought she was good for Bri and Michael. Claire met Sam Williams and they started dating. When she brought him home to meet us Nick sized him up and immediately liked him. I did too.

When they got married Nick gave Claire away, but Brian was by her side as well. The two of them were as close as a brother and sister could be. It is because of them that I am actually grateful to Jack Kinney, not that I will ever forgive him, but he gave me two of the best children a mother could ask for.


	4. A Different Life

I met Justin under the streetlight across from Babylon. That same night Lindsay went into labor with my son Gus. Justin named him, it was either Gus or Abraham. Thank god for Justin.

Mel and Linds are great, I really love them both and was more than willing to have a child with them, of course, my mother wasn’t as thrilled.

“Little bit, I am too young to be a grandmother three times over.” She told me. It’s funny, I’m 6'2, and she’s 5'1 but she still calls me little bit.

She wasn’t thrilled at first, but afterwards she was. Dad on the other hand was more than thrilled, he loves being Pap to Claire’s boys.

When I took Justin home to meet my parents a few weeks after we started dating, I expected them to kill me, he was seventeen, I was twenty nine.

“Brian Aiden Kinney have you completely lost your mind!” Mom yelled at me. “Mom, I’m falling in love with him.” I told her. “Baby, he’s only a baby.” She told me gently. “Mother, he is NOT a baby, of that I can assure you.” I told her. “BRIAN!” She yelled smacking me on the back of the head. I swear, she takes lessons from Deb.

“Brian, I’m not saying don’t date him, all I’m saying is be careful, ok.” She said and kissed my cheek. “Ok, I’ll be careful, now, can we please rescue him from dad and Gracie?” I asked her. “Yeah, we better or he’ll run as far away as he can get.” She said laughing.

We got back into the living room and I could see the nervousness in Justin’s eyes when he looked at my mom.

“Justin, I hope you understand that I don’t have anything against you personally honey, because from what I can tell you’re a sweet, polite young man. I’m just concerned that the age difference can get my son into trouble that he doesn’t need.” She told him and I wanted to kill her.

“Mrs. Adams, I understand your concerns but I can promise you that it is not my intention to get Brian into trouble.” He told her. “First off, call me Angela, Mrs. Adams is my mother in law, second of all, I know that’s not your intention honey but if your parents find out then Brian is fucked, that is, I’m assuming they don’t know.” She added.

“They don’t.” He said quietly. “Fuck.” I said softly. “Brian!” Mom said giving me a glare. “Angela!” I retorted and got myself a hard smack. “My name is Mom to you young man.” She said and I couldn’t suppress the grin that formed. “Dad, would you please help me out here.” I begged.

“Sorry Bri, this one is all you.” He said. “Thanks a lot old man.” I mumbled. “Alright sonnyboy, you aren’t too old I can’t turn you over my knee.” He said smirking. 

 

“Not gonna happen dad.” I said and we laughed. It was the standing line between us.

Justin looked amused at watching my parents and I banter back and forth. 

After that life got easier for a while, then Justin’s parents found out about us and Craig flipped out and Justin moved in with Deb.

The night of the prom was the worst night of my life. If it weren’t for Mikey and my parents I swear I’d have killed myself.

Mom and Dad came flying in the hospital after Deb called and Mikey was hugging me. “Brian!” Mom yelled running in. “Oh baby are you ok, physically?” She asked. “Mom I’m fine.” I said as my voice broke. “Oh my little bit.” She said, she took me into her arms like she’s always done ever since I was a kid and I let the dam break. I’ve always felt safe in my mommy’s arms. Yes, I, Brian Kinney, said Mommy.

She sat down on a couch and pulled me next to her. “I’ve got you baby, it’s gonna be ok, Justin’s gonna be ok.” She soothed as I cried. “It’s all my fault!” I cried into her shirt. “No baby, baby listen to me, listen, listen.” She said and cupped my face into her hands. “This was NOT your fault baby, this was Chris Hobbs fault, he hit Justin, you didn’t.” She said and that just made me cry harder.

“It is my fault! If I hadn’t gone to the prom with him he never would have gotten hurt!” I cried. “NO! I won’t have you blaming yourself do you hear me Brian Aiden, I won’t have it. It’s not your fault little bit, it’s not.” She said holding me. 

Dad came over then and lifted my chin to make me look at him. “Sonnyboy, it’s not your fault.” He said gently and they both enfolded me into a hug. 

Jennifer blamed me, and it took both dad and Michael to hold mom back.

“You listen to me Jennifer Taylor, I am sorry that Chris Hobbs hit Justin, but it is not my son’s fault. He saved your son’s life for god’s sake!” Mom yelled at her. Jennifer just cried which made mom feel awful and she enfolded her in a hug.

“He’ll be ok.” She told her.

 

I didn’t know until later that after mom and dad went home mom lost it. “Oh Nicky, it could have been Bri!” She cried onto dad. “I know Angie, but Sonnyboy’s ok.” He told her.

After the prom, things with Justin went from bad to good to bad to good, we had a lot of ups and downs, but we’re still together and I can’t imagine anything else.

 

“Brian! We’re gonna be late getting to your parents if you don’t get your ass out of bed!” Justin yelled to me as I laid in bed. “I’m up!” I yelled laughing as I headed towards the shower. “My mother won’t fall over dead if we’re a little late.” I told him.

“We have to pick up Gus so we’re going to be late anyway.” Justin said laughing. I glanced at him and he was holding four month old MaKayla and burping her as he talked to me.

MaKayla is my niece, Gracie asked us to babysit overnight the night before and we were bringing her to my mom’s to give back to my sister.


	5. A Different Life

When we got to Angie and Nick’s MaKayla was screaming her head off and Brian was trying not to scream with her.

“Grace Elizabeth Marshall! Come get your kid before I kill her!” Brian yelled going inside and leaving me with the baby. Gracie came out and took Kika from me. Gus named her Kika, he had a hard time saying MaKayla so it came out as Kika.

We went inside and I was immediately attacked by Brian’s nephews Tommy, Jimmy, and Alex. Tommy and Jimmy are Claire’s, Alex is Grace’s.

The boys all hugged me at once yelling “Uncle Jus!” When I walked in. Brian was talking to his sister and I would have been really nervous being there if I’d just met them, but five years has gone by and Angie considers me to be her son in law.

“Justin, can you help me?” Angie asked carrying a tray that was too heavy for her. “Mom, are you trying to kill yourself?” Brian asked and I took the tray from her. “Nah, I’ve got you to do that for me.” She said and Bri glared at her. “Mother, that is so not funny.” He told her giving her the famous Kinney smirk.

“Don’t you give me that smirk Brian, I am your mother after all.” “Don’t remind me.” He said laughing. “OW!” He yelped when she smacked him with a wooden spoon. “Mom, lay off Bri already.” Grace said and Bri winked at her. “Thanks Gracie.” He said rubbing his thigh where Angie had smacked him.

“Anytime bro, after all, who else is going to watch Alex tonight?” She asked giving him her puppy dog face. “No way, I just watched Kika.” He said shaking his head. “Aw, come on Bri, pweese?” She asked. “Yeah, please daddy.” Gus begged. “J, a little help here?” He asked. “Please Uncle Bri?” Alex asked and I just smirked at him. “Come on Bri, let him.” I said and if looks could kill I’d be dead.

When the four of us got home Brian picked the sleeping Gus up and carried him to his room, and I followed with Alex. We changed them into their PJ’s and put them in bed together.

We went into the living room and Brian was smirking. “What are you planning?” I asked grinning. “Oh, only how payback is such a fucking bitch.” He said smirking again.


	6. A Different Life

When we got into the bedroom I locked the door and pulled Sunshine down onto the bed with me. “So, what’s this payback you were talking about?” He asked smirking. I smacked his ass and he grinned. “Is that all you’ve got old man?” He asked teasing me. “You are so lucky my son and nephew are here.” I told him. “Never stopped you before.” He said and I smiled. 

I kissed him passionately and undressed him at the same time. After we were both undressed I pushed him down and straddled his legs. I began sucking on his neck and hearing his moans. I sucked and licked my way down to his nipples. I took one into my mouth and bit down on it gently. “Ooooh Bri!” He moaned loudly. I went to the other one and did the same thing. He was writhing underneath me.

I reached with my hand to his hard cock and pumped it a couple times, he almost bucked right off the bed. “Easy Sunshine.” I said laughing.

“Oh god Brian, FUCK ME, NOW!” He yelled. “If you say so.” I said grinning. I lifted his legs over my shoulder and grabbed the lube and a condom from the night stand. I coated my finger with lube and pushed into his puckering hole gently. I waited a minute to let him adjust and then began moving my finger in and out. Then I added a second finger and began scissoring his hole. When I was sure he was stretched enough, I took my fingers out and tore open the condom wrapper and sheathed myself with it. I positioned myself at his opening and pushed in gently. I waited until he pushed into me before I began a rythmatic thrusting. “Oh god yes!” Justin yelled. “FUCK!” I yelled as I came minutes later.

“Bri, I’m gonna cum!” He yelled and I had the thought of not letting him, as payback, but even I’m not that cruel. I grabbed his balls and began to knead them. “Oh FUCK!” He yelled as he came.

“I love you.” He whispered later as we curled up together in bed. “I love you too Sunshine.” I said and kissed his temple. 

 

AN: I know it's short, but I have to get my daughter from school so I didn't have time to write a long chapter.


	7. A Different Life

Angie’s POV.

 

I was sitting on the couch watching tv, and waiting for Nick to come home from work. He hadn’t looked good when he left this morning and I wanted to pamper him. A knock sounded on the door and when I opened it two state troopers were there.

“Oh god, please.” I said. “Mrs. Adams, I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but your husband was in an accident, he passed away on the way to the hospital.” One of the troopers told me. “Nooooooooo!” I screamed falling to the ground crying. “Mom? What’s wrong?” Gracie asked running to me. “Daddy’s dead.” I told her. “No! Not daddy, not daddy!” She screamed and cried with me.

“We have to call Claire and Brian.” I said finally getting my composure. I took the phone off the charger and called Brian first, I knew he’d handle the news better and I wanted him to tell Claire, because I couldn’t.

“Hello.” Justin answered. “Justin it’s Angie, is Brian there?” I asked, my voice shaking. “Yeah, hold on one sec.” “Mom what’s wrong?” Bri asked sounding concerned. “Your dad’s been in an accident, he didn’t make it.” I said and started crying. “I’m on my way over.” He said. “Bri, please, call Claire, I can’t...” I said crying. “I’ll call her, I’m on my way mom, I love you.” He said and I smiled despite my tears. “I love you too little bit.” I said and hung up.

I stared at the family picture on the wall, why? Why did it have to be Nick? It should have been me.

 

Brian’s POV.

After I hung up with my mom I started to cry. “Brian? What is it? What happened?” Justin asked immediately rushing to my side. “My dad, he’s dead, accident.” I said as the tears fell. “Oh baby, I’m so sorry.” He said and pulled me into his arms, the one place I feel safe.

“I have to call Claire.” I said and dialed my sister. Her reaction was as I knew it would be and we agreed to meet at mom’s.

Justin and I left, and Justin called Mikey and asked him to call everyone to tell them. Debbie left the diner in the middle of her shift to be at mom’s side.

When we pulled up I jumped up and ran into the house. Mom was sitting on the couch, Debbie was hugging her. “Mom, I’m here, it’s ok.” I said softly. “Oh my little bit, please don’t leave me too.” She said and cried on my shoulder. “It’ll be ok mommy, I’m not going anywhere.” I said and we both cried. It had been years since I called her mommy.

 

The funeral was worse than I could imagine. Claire and Grace held onto each other crying. Mom didn’t cry, and that worried me. Linds and Mel brought Gus so he could say goodbye to his Pap.

I kept thinking of a song I’d heard not long ago, that seemed to fit the day and how strong my mother really is.

to this world im unimportant just because I have nothing to say so you call this your free country tell me why it costs so much to live tell me why this world can turn me down but I wont turn away.  
oh no I wont turn around all my work and endless measures never seem to get me very far walk a mile just to move an inch now even though im trying so damn hard im trying so hard this world can turn me down but I wont turn away and I wont duck and run, cause im not built that way when everything has gone there is nothing left to fear this world cannot bring me down no cause im already here.  
oh no! I am already here, down on my knees I am already here, oh no, I am already here I must have told you a thousand times I am not running away I wont duck and run I wont duck and run I wont duck and run no I pass away this world can turn me down but I wont turn away and I wont duck and run, cause im not built that way when everything has gone there is nothing left to fear this world cannot bring me down no cause im already here. this world can turn me down but I wont turn away and I wont duck and run, cause im not built that way when everything has gone there is nothing left to fear this world cannot bring me down no cause im already here. 

The Song Duck and Run is the Property of 3 Doors Down.


	8. A Different Life

Mom was sleeping and Justin was reading Gus and Alex a book. Tommy and Jimmy were watching tv and MaKayla was sleeping.

I sat with my sisters’ and my brother in law, and none of us were saying much. Claire kept crying and Sam was trying to comfort her. A car pulled up outside and Joey came in. We’d become friends after high school, although we weren’t as close as Mikey and I were, we were still friends. “Hey Bri, I’m sorry about Nick, he was a good man.” He said and I hugged him. “Thanks.” I said and Grace’s cell phone rang. “Robbie, when are you coming home?” She asked her husband. “I’m already here baby.” He said coming in the door and smiling. She flew into his arms crying. “Bri, Claire, Sam, Joey.” He greeted us. “Robbie, take care of her.” I said sighing. Justin came out and sat on my lap, and I was grateful for the distraction.

“Bri, are you ok?” He asked softly. “No.” I said as my shoulders started to shake. The tears fell, again, as much as I wanted them to stop.

“GOD DAMMIT!” I yelled standing up and depositing Justin on the floor by accident. “Bri.” He said standing up. “Bri?” Claire said standing up. “HE’S GONE DAMMIT! DAD’S GONE AND WE CAN’T BRING HIM BACK!” I yelled. 

“Brian.” Mom said coming into the room. I looked at everyone and left, slamming the door behind me.

I went to the backyard and climbed into the tree house dad had built me years ago. Mom followed me.

“Go away.” I said miserably. “Nope, sorry, can’t do that.” She said. “Damn it mom, GO!” I yelled. “Baby.” She said softly. I crumbled and went to her, crying. “Oh baby boy, it’ll be ok.” She said holding me.

I felt about five years old, and I didn’t care. I was hurting and wanted the pain to stop. How long we stayed in there I’m not sure, all I know is that I needed her, and she was there.

I know the story behind my birth, even though she doesn’t know that I do. I know what Jack Kinney did to her, and I know how much she hates him. I also know that she gave me a different life than the one I would have led if I’d have grown up with Jack and Joan Kinney.

My mother has always been there for me, always a constant source of love and understanding, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

I can’t imagine what I would be like had I grown up in the Kinney household, and to be honest, I don’t want to.


End file.
